I hate the person I have become.

I hate the person that I have become ever since entering into this profession. When I first started working as a broker, I have always wondered why most of the people I have spoken with on the phone sound either lifeless and fatigued or grumpy and irritable. I felt like those people hated their jobs and their job was nothing more than a job, something unpleasant but necessary, because of bills and responsibilities. A few years into the business and I hear myself sounding like all these descriptions on the phone.

Maybe I am just burning out. It is true, answering the phone is very exhausting, as is customer service. I now have profound empathy for those who work in customer service who have to talk to people all day on the phone.

I have allowed myself to be depressed, I have allowed myself to be impatient, irritable, frustrated, condescending, and even rude because I felt stressed and tired and bothered- because I could not work in peace. I know I have let myself reacted to those who make mistakes frequently, who have unpleasant temperament, and those who are just plain old annoying.
Maybe I have been working the same job for too long, and that I am getting complacent and unmotivated.

There is really no excuse for my becoming the depressed, grumpy misanthrope today. It is too easy to blame it on the job. I am sure anyone can blame his job for turning him into an asshole. I haven't paid attention to the way I have acted. I have let my "niceness" go- I have turned into an asshole. It's funny, when I was younger, it seemed so much easier to be a nice person. As I get older, it has become increasingly difficult to be nice, patient, civil, and forgiving. Isn't it so much easier just to be a jerk sometimes? As an adult, being nice and appreciative and happy takes so much effort and cultivation.

This is what I hate about myself. I have become bitter, angry, and I am disappointed at myself for this. I am looking for a way out- either accepting my career and try my very best to not let it turn me into a nasty person, or find a new career, something with meaning perhaps.